husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. Ugh. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? OP can call out her husband by offering to buy a $1MM (or whatever number) life insurance policy for the duration of the vegas trip. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. THANK you. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? We felt safe walking around at 2AM. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. I love her, and I know she warns me about this because she loves me and she wants me to be safe, but Im just really glad to see Im not the only one right now!! Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? A friend of mine was sort of that guy! And Id highly recommend that book to the OP, so she can try to tease out for herself whether shes just got an insecure, underemployed husband, or one whos using jealousy as a control mechanism, at least in part so that he may remain comfortably underemployed. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. When Your Partner Does Not Want to Travel - The Points Guy You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. Never! I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. The duration of the vacation. it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Likewise, but I was in Hyattsville, Md. You have a good day and thank you. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. Do not sacrifice your career for this. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. Is that an issue as well? I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. Thats a CA classic. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. I deal with those worries by making sure he has the tools he needs to accommodate those shortcomings, not by hobbling his life. Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? People women, even! Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. Im a bit flabbergasted. with his friends, not you. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. There are also lots of cool little museums as well. One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. I speak as someone whose husband is both a counselor and anxiety-sufferer. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. He can express an opinion at most. It totally IS. I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). and I was gutted. So yeah somethings just not right. Thank you for sharing your story withus this iswhat weve come upwith: How would you react ifyou were inMayas shoes? She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. Its literally the opposite of a fun wild weekend. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. OPs husband sounds like my mom. I think you know that all of his fears could happen to you (or be things youd do) wherever you live or any place you travel to. Thats where domestic abuse resources and charts come in. Next, things you can do. I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. My husband nearly had to go to Vegas for a conference a couple of months ago (were in the UK so its pretty far!) Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). Why he wants to go alone. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) He does worry about my safety. It has beautiful trails just minutes outside the city. Best of luck! The veg option at the two meals at the convention center consisted entirely of iceberg lettuce salad). However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. But secondhand smoke doesnt have an opt-out. Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. You get into a state of physical arousal (sweating, shaking, racing heart, fast breathing, etc) and it often gives you a screaming headache, roiling tummy, and makes you irritable and prone to tears. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. Agreed! The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! My mom too! He says its specific to Vegas, but its possible that hed be anxious no matter where OP went. Living with someone like this for the rest of your life sounds like a real misery. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. That doesnt seem fair! In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. Ifthings are still strained, wewould recommend setting upanappointment with amediator ortherapist who specializes incouples therapy. Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. Ive also gone on holiday with my mum and my grandmother for a week or two at a time. Statistically, the most dangerous part of this trip is the car drive to the airport. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. If the OP is part of running the conference/event, yep, theyll be lucky to find the time for 8 hours sleep each night. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. I really wish people would take the time to think beyond their first assumption in issues like this. (except those gun dangers present everywhere in the US.). In either case though, go on the trip. Thats not how this works!! husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. Ill wait. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. Has heever done this before with other people inhis life? By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Sounds great. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. We took turns driving and stopped whenever we needed to fill up with gas or have a break, and if LO started crying and needed to be fed, we'd stop then, too. Theyre out there. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. The most important part of travelling alone is that your lover is on the same page as you. When does his flight land? So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? I did a few Vegas-y things, but mostly I found really interesting things to do while not working. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). It seems like almost everyone is misreading this update. A decade? As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! I resent our new hires for setting better work-life boundaries than our company normally has, hairy legs at work, my office sent me a random TV, and more, heres an example of a great cover letter with before and after versions, my employee cant handle even mildly negative feedback, my new coworker is putting fake mistakes in my work so she can tell our boss Im bad at my job, insensitive Diversity Day, how to fire someone who refuses to talk to us, and more, weekend open thread February 25-26, 2023, assistant became abusive when she wasnt invited to a meeting, my coworkers dont check on people who are out sick, and more. There are a lot of factors that go into deciding where to hold tradeshows and conferences, and none of them have to do with facilitating people being unfaithful to their spouses. :-). Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? Its like the least romantic version of the old I wore her down until she agreed to go on a date, and now weve been married for 30 years trope. Who thinks its normal to ask around if he should let his wife go on a business trip, etc. He mad at my company and questions the motives. Same. Figure you stop as often as baby feeds (which is every 3 hours for us.) Okay. Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. Congratulations. Oh, god, me too! I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off on a tangent.. Me: Um, what now? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. Flying might be easier. The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. Forbidding is a different story). Again, not a concern for either of us. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. In no way am I saying if he does have anxiety its totally okay for him to be a controlling ass not at all. My wife and I have two young kids. That can do a number to your head if you already had basic anxiety about the travel. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. Counseling is a great start. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. We partially worked around it by him pack me an automotive emergency kit since rental cars tend to lack flares, reflectors, etc. If my partner acted like he thought he got a vote on whether I was allowed to do things, especially things relating to my career, Id laugh him out of the relationship so fast hed get whiplash. I have one. I mean, were talking about adults going on a business trip so wholesome shouldnt even come into it. You sound like a real piece of work. There was a recent one with the same problem! Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. On which I shared my personal experience and directed to resources where these be explored further. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. Its not really a fun place to go for work. A few years back my older sister went to LV on a business trip with others. I sometimes know and I often dont. Not a single word uttered). Yes, this. I have no idea. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. No. (And there is outside reinforcement for this my MIL things Im insane for letting my 10-year-old go to the bathroom, which I can see clearly from our restaurant table, alone.) I thought I was the problem, and he was kind and honorable and funny and thoughtful. vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. There is an incredible amount of stuff to do and fun to be had in Vegas without doing a single sinful thing, even if you WERE there for just a vacation and not a work trip. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. Irrational fears are just a normal part of life, especially in these days of social media and around-the-clock news coverage, but when they either start holding you back from doing things you want/need to do or start negatively affecting the people in your life, thats a sign youve stepped over the line of normal and should seek help finding that line again. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances. Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. Oh man, the broken-glass-on-the-kitchen-floor-for-a-month dude! I love my wife and we bought land and a home. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Hope you will enjoy the holiday! Maybe this has been mentioned already (I started skimming when all the comments were the same OUTRAGE) but, would it be possible for your husband to come with you on this trip? Your wife is doing a normal thing and has given no signs she isnt anything but committed to you. Oh, every election season angry people show up at 538 to explain that a poll of their social group shows 100% agreement with OP on everything, and so clearly the official polls are generated by a Vast Conspiracy. It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. Everyone he talks to agrees with him. Well, first of all, they dont. They just find more things to get worried about. Being in Vegas to me would be about eating at fancy restaurants, doing the neon lights tour, etc. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. Would he demand she quit? He can be kind of inflexible about certain things so the fact that this is 180 degrees from where it was should give you hope. Its absolutely true, and she gets so. So I get the safety concern. Should I take him into account? And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. The memo was a few years old, and it had been issues shortly before an Uber retreat If Im not mistaken it was in Miami definitely in Florida. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. What if he dies? Instead, things got worse. Find an new therapist to go alone so you can undo all the damage that marriage counseling with a controlling spouse has done. travel to Las Vegas by themselves and with groups and for work and for play all the time and it is completely normal. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. One day was outside. :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. When I first started at my last full-time job, a coworker and I were both sent to Washington DC for a three-day conference to learn our jobs (wed both started around the same time, in a very niche legal field). The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. Spouses dont LET. You really, really have no basis for this. The reality of the place is really NBD. Interestingly, prostitution is a county-by-county decision in Nevada. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. My mother is like this about my neighborhood because Im miles away from Philadelphia. Ive been to far more dangerous places. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Why would a husband not want to go anywhere with his wife? The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. Bucks. The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . Go on the trip, do not jeopardize that job, youll need it when you come to your senses and get rid of this guy. *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. If you're able to, I would think about flying. after that. Only discussing the precise words given in the letter: Just Saying. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. It was very concerning. How entitled can someone be to think that their ex has to justify wanting to break up and have a good cause? I agree. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. One reputation of the city, deliberately played up in media, is that it is a raunchy sin city full of gamboling, sex, and wild parties. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. That said, Id say go on the trip, because I dont think you should pander to his lack of trust in you. Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. My husband of 23 years has never objected to any business trips Ive taken (not even the week-long trip to the Bahamas when our daughter was 8 months old), so Im chiming in to say that whats going on with your husband is super abnormal in my experience. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. me go. :D. There is nothing unwholesome about Vegas and plenty of reputable companies send their employees there for conferences because the city is set up for it with numerous transportation, hotel and food options. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. Nail on head, right here. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Create an account or log in to participate. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. Holy smokes. Feel free to point out where I did that. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. Oh, and I think I gambled about $20 on nickel slots. They have to want to change. Your husband has insane insecurity issues. Hopefully hes open to counseling/therapy, but if hes not, and he instead doubles down on not letting you travel (regardless of destination), I do think you need to consider an exit strategy. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. You are one strong person, and thanks for sharing your story! This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. I find this so interesting. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear.