Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. Briana DeJesus: PROOF Her Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Revealed Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. Admirable restraint indeed. People need to think about their actions and the consequences. He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND! (GONE WRONG) | We Scolding him for indiscretion doesnt do anything its not his OR her fault that their personalities clash. But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. He still has to pay. He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) so we have a 8mth baby. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. Youre more than welcome. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. Do you have a law to fix that? Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Flexxie That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . For anyone. That is a risk women take. He should have taken more precautions. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! I weep for the younger folks out there. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. Chuck(le) Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. What sounded nice in theory is not sounding so great to Jimmy in reality. If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. female .of F****** Idiots. Well, the law is schizophrenic. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Yes, he had unprotected sex. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Doesnt interest me. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. it happens. Its a good word. Mmmhmm, I thought so. Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. It doesnt even come close. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom. Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. You can get pregnant on birth control! And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. Sorry for the crass language. submandave Relax. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. SweetsAndBeats April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. But it also ought to be her responsibility. Please do better. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. The dude having sex is not my issue. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. My Ex Jumped Into Another Relationship: Why? - With My Ex Again reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A Why do you want to be with such a douchenozzle? Both of those things cant be true, LW. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. For whatever reason that may be. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. Its a two way street guys. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 Seriously this is skeeving me out. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story You pack of hypocrites. Oh yeah, because plenty of men already have no problem abandoning AND not paying. bittergaymark Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. honeybeenicki He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. Absolutely BOIL. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey It seems like the LW is painting the woman in this scenario as the sole person responsible for the pregnancy. Temperance So what? You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. lets_be_honest So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. Cut your losses and get the hell out. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Wheww. 2) A woman having an abortion is not the same as a man refusing to have anything to do with a child. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. And those rapists who raped them get the money? He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. As a woman, you have control over that. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. He is not the end all and be all. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. Well he will still have to pay child support. 6napkinburger Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? For more information, please see our 17. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. Ah, nothing like some good ol Internet fighting. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? If you choose to live in an area known to be frequented by storks then you have no one but yourself to blame if you become a parent. Crazy likes crazy. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. SpaceySteph Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. MOA, ASAP. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. Im just trying to clarify the parameters here. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. Might he have continued sleeping with her? This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. Like being pregnant is easy. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. 1. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. Think of the children. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. That is how we got our first kid. Ill bite. That goes for women as well. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. She got pregnant. Someone else has assumed it. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? Grow the fuck up! I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. Steve Kellmeyer Good. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! Iwannatalktosampson Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. SpaceySteph . Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. we are making DW history, here, people!!! If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. One is right next to me . He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. The law provides that the parent taking care of the child is entitled to support from the other parent. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. Dont push him to be with this woman. SpaceySteph I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Their choice, honey. April 9, 2012, 2:39 pm. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. She is certain it is his. I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Dude, thats seriously out of line. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Weird question. A condoms like 50 cents. A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. So just ignore them, thats what I do. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. That isnt the case. Just found out my boyfriend got another girl pregnant Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A You really have no idea what child support means. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. Whats your lawyers address? April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more.
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