I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Wishing you peace on this day of remembrance. The second year of grief is like reliving the first year but awake. ~ C.R. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. Thirty years after I left school I met up with a group I'd been in the sixth form with that I'd not seen since I left - now we see each other every few months. I hope your finding your way grief is personal and the hardest life lesson Ive had to learn I have moments of happiness with my grandkids, but when they go home and Im alone, I just want to disappear. My best friend, and my doctor, said I should be over her death by now. Like he meant nothing. One Year Death Anniversary. For now, thats all were able to do. She was just 51 years old and bravely battled cancer for six years. I struggle to find anyone whos gone through something similar since its so rare. Anyway it felt good to post this here. Please do not do that. RKD. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. I talk to him Im coming up on 2 years in April. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). No shoulders left 2 lean on. Im dying inside. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. See a translation. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. My husband has been gone since April 2018. God Bless you in this unwanted journey. I have joined some new groups mostly for the socialization but it does not fill the void. Strange to think I am now living longer them. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. Guess what? Im sorry. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. I dont do holidays with my kids or anyone: I cant. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didnt remind me of him. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days I look back and I see I am better, but not altogether well. I didnt aadd anything vital to this topic but I came across it and just thought to vent a little. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. well lo and behold, who knew the second year would be a living nightmare. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. I can barely function and go on. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. I am really hoping as time goes by it gets better. I dont think we were lucky He was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and died less than a month after. My wife and I too figured mid-80s at least. Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. After being with him for over half my life. I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years? I lost my wife 14 months ago, we But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. I hope we both find peace somehow, someday. Even in the final week she thought of the future. Dear Patricia, Thankyou for sharing. Maybe its some physical thing. What am I suppose to do now? He was 70 years old. I too lost a beloved Uncle in May 2020, not from Covid19, quite suddenly. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. Also. I yearn so badly just to be with him. It can be just about anythingand the wave comes crashing. I wish that I could help. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. I still work because I am 58. The pain is unbearable. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . Dear Charaine In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he wont see Christmas, I couldnt breathe or talk I felt numb. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that its probably exactly where you need to be. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. It works. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. Year two, is called the wake up year. I despise being a single parent. He had a rare form of cancer for I have good, great days, then.. ___days.I thank Gid fot the precious memories.. I guess I just have to accept this as part of grieving process and try to keep moving forward. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. Ive had cancer & this is far more painful on a daily basis. Find a way to make the break to a little high ground here and there away from the depth of the loss and eventually, that ground will come to you a little more often. i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. Thank you Megan, you helped save my life. The finality of it all. I live with grief and depression everyday. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. This happen to me. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. I still cry most days and miss him more than words can say. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. Though it's been years now since you were taken away, the memories are still strong, and I wish you were here today. Good luck to all of you. So much ahead-so many great plans. If I could take your hurt away I would. Its just about me now. All destroyed by diagnosis of lung spread to brain cancer just 2 days before our 2nd daughters wedding. Many of the people I work with are several years past their loss and are struggling with confidence and decision making. She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. I wish peace for all our hearts. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. I lost my mother, almost two years ago. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. Im in very very poor health maybe my wish will come true and i can join my wife again. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. I keep her teddy in my passenger seat, her picture on my dashboard. I have lost my dad and two brothers and for some reason right now I feel more pain then I have in a long time . Very hard for us left behind. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. My great uncle Moe Doerfler will be gone for 2 years on September 23rd and I sure miss him. Valetines. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. She died gradually. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. There is no way to just move on. It has not. It broke my heart to watch him suffer. I am so sad that we are all connected by loss. Itll be two years next month since my my husband ofalmost 30 years died. I had no idea grief would be like this and encourage all couples and families to discuss dying and be prepared as much as you can be for death to be a part of your life. There are a number of things you can do to help a grieving cat to overcome the loss. From and including: Tuesday, October 21, 0200 (Julian calendar in United States.Change Country) To, but not including Thursday, February 21, 2008 (Gregorian calendar). I really dont like others to judge. I guess I will always feel this way. My mind is crying. Always believe she would come back..I dont tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move ondont know what to do and how to live. 4. That makes me mad in itself that I cant compare this loss to others for so many different aspects. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. Im not sure my beliefs on that score but I do know this.live does not die. It's Been One Month Since My Mom Passed - Lung cancer It has been 2 years since you passed away. @@i lost my daughter May 2, 2018. My baby girl passed away 6 months later. Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. Dear Tracy, I know it is hard, but I have a wonderful story to share. Why Do I Feel Worse Now Than I Did Right After My Husband Died? 120 Death Anniversary Quotes And Other Words Of Comfort - Scary Mommy Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Doctors once said I would never be able to conceive. Although it feels like it, just know you are not alone. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. I empathize with you. I saw your post. I am just pretending Im ok, so my family does not worry about me, as I know I got to be strong for them. I have also lost my fear of flying since my husband died on November 14, 2018. Im so sorry J. I know that feeling of panic that you might forget something and lose it forever. He recovered well, but took his life in January 2018. It's been 20 years since you passed. He has been gone a little over a year and I still think (and cry) about him roughly 3 times a week. People say to me its early days but you should start going out and meeting folk, however, I dont want to. real visitors with unique IPs. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. I try to be positive and move forward. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. And lots of shipwrecks. The last year and a half was the hardest as she began to lose the fight. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. I know thats not possible and I told myself early on that my life had changed forever and I am still trying to get used to the new normal That doesnt stop the pain, though! So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. Patricia, your comments hit home. Why did he have to be taken away from me? Love to everyone out there. I am grateful to read all of these posts because I dont think Im over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. In two months it will be a year since my mom died. If God gives us a window, I too am waiting. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. Year 2 started and reality set in and the pain and heartache is unbearable. My heart hurts. I am interested in hearing how it went for yall. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary. I started CPR and called 911 I thought they never get there, but I think now I knew he was gone, I was begging him not to leave me. Result: 660,116 days. He died suddenly in war. it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. It is sad to say 45, but I have no greater desire to be laying in the plot next to her so that I can be close to her for eternity. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. Ann, Im so sorry for every ones lost,,Im to. Actually like a lot of other people here, I find the passage of time is making the loss worse! I would have died for him. Noreen, Its just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. Memories Of Mom, Mother Death Poem - Family Friend Poems Grief counselling for me in next 3m which helped build confidence. Anne, and others, so sorry for your losses as well. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. My husband died 2 years ago (his anniversary, April 20, 2019). A bomb went off in our home and hearts. You are in mourning feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. Usually a local hospice or hospital can help you get in touch with those who can help you through this. Hang in there. Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. She would not let it beat her. That hurts. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. Other days I just wonder why bother. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. Last night, I had the most powerful dream! Mar 23, 2020 - Explore Pam Jenkins's board "Missing you since you went to Heaven", followed by 387 people on Pinterest. I look forward to seeing him again and I know he would want me to go on and prove that our live was SO GREAT that I continue on in his memory. I remember the 1st year being a blur. 22 Sep 2017. I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. I stay busy. Eric, Im now at 27 months and he is still incredibly fresh in my thoughts everyday. My husband of 54 yrs. We were the very best of friends and partners in life, did everything together. I dont think I can love again. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. Humans have the capacity to share themselves with another press. it helped and still does. Perhaps because of expectation expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didnt. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. Well then so so much has been such a consequence that its like my late husband made use meet. I dont know what to do.. We were lovers and partners for 32 years. almost 3 years later and i am still wondering. From the depths of old internet comments comes another incredible gem of a story. He came into my life defending me from a bully. We were married for 45 years and I buried her ashes on our anniversary 23 Sept 2017. Its just over twelve months since my beautiful wife died of cancer.It was only three months from diagnosis to passing in that time my mother was also coming to the of her battle with cancer.So i lost the two most important people in my life in the same month words cannot describe hurt I felt. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. Im now 64 and hed be 61 but we were like he would be 61 but it was like kids meeting for the first time. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. I have our two dogs (my puppies that keep me going). I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! It can be so isolating. I dont have to write anymore. Keep the cat 's routine the same. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. Your right the first year you are numb. I was always even keeled but now experience such unusual highs and lows. I truly wasnt planning to fall in love like I did with Richard. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that cant be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasnt got a boyfriend dosnt wont to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. I always wonder if this normal. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. So I decided to move back home to St. Louis. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. :-(. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. Sorry this is so long. Wedding anniversary his birthday.